Child Loss and Grief Brain: 7 Ways to Gently Navigate It
- Lisa K. Boehm
- Jul 1
- 3 min read
If you’ve ever walked into a room and completely forgotten why, struggled to find a simple word mid-sentence, or stared blankly at a calendar wondering what day it is—you’re not alone. These are common symptoms of something called grief brain, and it’s a very real, very frustrating part of navigating life after child loss.
As a bereaved mom, I thought I was losing my mind in the early months after my daughter Katie died. I was always the organized one—on top of appointments, meal planning, everything. But suddenly, I couldn’t remember simple things. I forgot dental appointments. I introduced myself to someone I’d already met—twice. I made a dinner of plain chicken because the thought of deciding on a side dish felt impossible.
What I didn’t know then is what I know now: grief brain is a physiological and emotional response to deep trauma. It’s not just distraction or “mom brain.” It’s your mind trying to protect you and help you survive an unimaginable loss.
What Is Grief Brain?
When you lose a child, your brain enters survival mode. Your prefrontal cortex (the part responsible for planning, decision-making, and focus) slows down. At the same time, your amygdala (the fear and emotion centre of the brain) becomes overactive. Add in a flood of stress hormones like cortisol, and you’ve got a perfect storm for forgetfulness, fog, and fatigue.
Grief brain symptoms can include:
Memory loss or forgetfulness
Difficulty focusing or multitasking
Mental fog and confusion
Trouble reading or following conversations
Word-finding issues or name recall problems
Emotional overwhelm with basic decisions
It’s exhausting. It’s embarrassing. And it’s totally normal.
5 Gentle Tips for Coping with Grief Brain
Here are five small shifts that can help reduce the overwhelm of grief brain while offering your mind and heart a little breathing room:
1. Write Everything Down
Don’t rely on memory alone. Use sticky notes, a notebook, or your phone to track appointments, tasks, and reminders. This one habit can lower the mental load significantly.
2. Simplify Decisions
Grief already drains your mental energy, so minimize decision fatigue by automating what you can. Set up auto-pay for bills. Keep meals simple. Limit your to-do list to just one or two key tasks each day.
3. Create Anchor Routines
Simple routines can help re-ground your brain. Think: starting each day with coffee and a short walk, or ending the day with a shower and quiet time. Familiar actions help rebuild mental stability.
4. Practice One-Moment Mindfulness
When the fog gets thick, pause and take a deep breath. Notice one thing you can see, hear, smell, and feel. This brings you back into the present and helps calm the chaos in your nervous system.
5. Let People Help
If someone offers to bring dinner, watch your other children, or run an errand—say yes. Accepting help isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom. You deserve support, and your brain needs room to rest.
Need More Support?
There are two more gentle tips I share in this podcast episode that you don’t want to miss—especially if you’re feeling like your mind is unraveling a little more than you’d like to admit. These extra tools have helped me and many other grieving moms create small shifts that make life just a little easier.
And if this post resonated with you, please share it with another grieving mom who might be silently wondering, “What’s wrong with me?” Let her know she’s not alone—and that this fog will lift in time.
XO
Lisa Boehm
P.S. For more comfort and guidance, check out my book Journey to HEALING: A Mother’s Guide to Navigating Child Loss. Inside you’ll find gentle reflections, practical tools, and wisdom from 31 other bereaved mothers.
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