Why Grief Feels Harder at Night After Losing a Child

Lisa K. Boehm
Sep 2
3 min read

Updated: Oct 3

For grieving mothers, nighttime can feel like a tidal wave that hits harder than the grief we experience during the day. If you’ve ever cried yourself to sleep, stared blankly at the ceiling, or felt like the silence was just too loud, please know: this is quite normal.

Why Grief Feels More Intense at Night

After I lost my daughter Katie, the evenings were the hardest. Katie died around 7:30 PM, and every night when the clock crept toward that time, my body tensed and the tears came. No matter what I tried — sleeping pills, exercise, magnesium — the nights remained heavy, lonely, and unbearable.

Here’s why grief often intensifies when the sun goes down:

1. No Distractions

During the day, you can keep busy: laundry, errands, texting other grieving moms, scrolling social media. But at night, the noise quiets. There’s nowhere to hide. You’re left alone with your thoughts, your memories, and the aching absence of your child.

2. Heightened Emotions & Brain Chemistry

Our bodies are wired to process emotions when we rest. As cortisol levels drop in the evening, suppressed emotions rise to the surface. That’s why nighttime can trigger emotional overwhelm, panic attacks, or waves of sorrow that feel impossible to escape.

3. Increased Loneliness

When the rest of the house (or world) is asleep, your grief can feel isolating. You might want to cry, scream, or talk to someone, but everyone else is resting peacefully while you feel like you’re breaking apart.

4. Nighttime Anxiety

Even before child loss, nighttime often heightened anxiety for me. But after loss, those spinning thoughts intensified: What if I had done something differently?, Will I survive this?, How will I ever feel peace again?

The Two Things That Helped Me Cope after Child Loss

As I moved through my grief, I discovered two practices that made nights just a little more bearable: journaling and guided meditation.

best grief book for bereaved mothers — Lisa's book about child loss

Journaling

One sleepless night, I found one of Katie’s old notebooks and began to write. I didn’t hold back. I poured out the anger, heartbreak, guilt, and questions. My journal became a safe place; somewhere I could scream on paper without hurting anyone else.

Over time, journaling helped me release what I couldn’t say out loud. It helped me fall asleep, and later, it became a record of my healing.

Meditation

I never thought I could meditate. My mind wandered constantly. But once I tried guided meditations, everything changed. Just being gently led through breathing exercises calmed my nervous system. It didn’t erase the grief, but it made it softer. Some nights, it was the only thing that helped me sleep.

3 Tools to Help Ease Grief at Night

If your nights are overwhelming, try adding one or two of these gentle tools to your evening routine:

1. Create a Bedtime Ritual

Turn off all screens an hour before bed. Sip herbal tea. Do some light stretching or take a warm bath. This helps your nervous system prepare for sleep and signals to your brain that it’s time to wind down.

2. Try a Guided Meditation

Even just five minutes of breathwork can reduce anxiety and racing thoughts. I created a Meditation & Journal Bundle for Bereaved Moms with six healing meditations, including one specifically for sleep and nighttime grief.

👉 Get the Bundle Here

3. Journal Your Heart Out

You don’t need to write perfectly. Just let your pen flow on the paper. Write a letter to your child, list your worries, or reflect on something that’s helped you. Journaling gets the noise out of your head and onto paper, where it feels more manageable.

You Don’t Have to Do It Alone

There is no “right way” to grieve at night, but there are tools that can help. You don’t have to numb out with TV, alcohol, or sleepless scrolling. You can try something new. You can take one tiny step toward healing.

Your grief will always be part of you, but it doesn’t have to consume you, especially at night.

If you’re ready for a little more calm and a little less chaos after dark, grab my Meditation and Journal Bundle for Bereaved Moms. It’s helped so many grieving mothers (including me), and I hope it brings you some comfort too.

✨ Download your bundle here