Exhaustion & Sleepless Nights After Child Loss: How to Cope

If you’ve ever been so tired that your body feels like lead, yet your mind won’t stop racing the moment your head hits the pillow, you’re not alone. For many bereaved moms, exhaustion and sleepless nights go hand in hand with grief.

After my daughter Katie died, I experienced a kind of fatigue I didn’t know existed. I wasn’t just tired; I was drained. My body ached, my thoughts were foggy, and even the smallest decisions felt like climbing a mountain. Yet when night came, sleep refused to come.

Why Grief Causes Exhaustion and Insomnia

Grief doesn’t just live in your heart; it takes over your whole body. When you lose a child, your nervous system goes into survival mode. It’s wired to protect you, to stay on alert for danger, even when you desperately want to rest.

Your body doesn’t understand that the “threat” has already happened. So it keeps scanning, thinking, and trying to make sense of something that can’t be made sense of. This constant state of hypervigilance floods your system with stress hormones like cortisol, making it hard to relax or fall asleep.

You’re exhausted, but your body and mind are still on high alert. That’s why you feel “tired but wired”: too weary to keep going, but too restless to sleep.

This is the way we are wired as humans. It's our biology.

It’s a cruel paradox — the time you most need rest is when it’s hardest to find.

How to Cope With Exhaustion and Sleepless Nights in Child Loss

While we can’t erase grief, we can support our bodies and minds by finding moments of rest. Here are a few gentle ways to start:

1. Start with compassion.

When you find yourself wide awake again, whisper something kind to yourself:“Of course I can’t sleep. My heart is broken, and my body is protecting me.” This simple acknowledgment can help calm your nervous system and remind you that nothing is wrong with you.

2. Support your body with safety cues.

Small things can help your body feel safe enough to rest; dim lighting, soft blankets, calming scents like lavender, or gentle music. Some moms hold a keepsake from their child’s room, a way of saying, “I’m still connected, and I’m safe right now.”

3. Use soothing tools.

Apps like Calm, Insight Timer, or Headspace offer guided meditations, gentle sleep stories, and grief-specific mindfulness tracks. A short body scan, deep breathing, or soft instrumental playlist can anchor your mind when grief feels too loud.

4. Try a simple self-guided meditation.

Here's a simple one: take a deep breath in through your nose and exhale slowly through your mouth. Feel the weight of your body against the bed or chair and the way it's supporting you. Focus on rest, not necessarily sleep.

If thoughts or memories come, let them pass by. And sometimes, I remind myself of this: My grief isn’t going anywhere. It will still be here tomorrow. But tonight, I need rest. I’ll deal with my grief again in the morning.

That simple mindset can help your body release just enough tension to rest, even if sleep doesn’t come right away.

5. Reach out for help.

If insomnia or exhaustion feel overwhelming, please don’t hesitate to reach out for support. A grief-informed therapist or doctor can help you find tools that fit your situation. Sometimes we need help resetting our systems — and that’s okay.

A Final Word of Encouragement

Sweet Angel Mom, I know how heavy child loss feels. Those nights that seem to stretch on forever. The mornings that come too soon. But I want you to hear this: you’re doing better than you think. You’re surviving something unimaginable.

If you’d like more gentle tools and grief resources to support you, grab my Comprehensive Grief Resource List. It’s filled with comforting books, podcasts, and tools that have helped me and many other moms on this journey.

Remember: One breath and one moment at a time.

XO

Lisa Boehm

(aka: Katie's mom)