How to Survive the First 6 Months After Child Loss

Lisa K. Boehm
Aug 12
3 min read

Gentle guidance for grieving mothers navigating the early stages of loss

Losing a child is the most profound grief a mother can experience. The first six months after child loss can feel like an out-of-body experience: swirling numbness, exhaustion, disbelief, and unimaginable pain. For grieving mothers trying to survive those early days, it’s hard to know what to do, how to function, or whether you’re doing any of it “right.”

As a bereaved mom myself, I remember those first six months after my daughter Katie died. I was in a fog, going through the motions, barely remembering how to breathe. If you’re in that space, or walking alongside someone who is, I hope this post will offer compassion, validation, and simple ways to survive the early stages of child loss.

Here are 5 things I want you to know about the first 6 months:

1. The Shock & Fog after Child Loss

The first few weeks and months after losing your child can feel like living underwater. You may forget things, feel physically ill, or struggle to complete even the most basic tasks. This is trauma.

🔹 What helps:

Let yourself rest. Survival is enough.
Drink water, breathe deeply, and don’t expect too much.
Cry, rage, or sit in silence: whatever grief brings, let it be.

2. Boundaries Are a Lifeline in Early Grief

One of the most exhausting parts of early grief is managing other people. Friends may mean well, but say things that hurt. Some may disappear entirely. It’s okay to protect your heart.

🔹 What helps:

Say “no” freely. Decline calls, visitors, or obligations.
Identify one or two “safe” people who will listen.
Use a text or voicemail boundary like: “I’m not up for talking, but your support means the world.”

3. Care for Your Body as You Grieve

Grief is physical. It may show up as headaches, nausea, or extreme fatigue. You’re not imagining it. This is your body is mourning too.

🔹 What helps:

Move gently: short walks, rocking in a chair, or stretching.
Eat simple, soft foods. Even smoothies or toast can be enough for the first while.
Try breathwork — just 3 slow inhales and exhales can ground you.
Speak to your child. Write to them. Your connection isn’t gone. It's just changed.

4. Time Doesn’t Heal, But Routine Can Help

You’ve probably heard, “Time heals all wounds,” but that’s not true for grieving moms. Time can actually make the loss feel more permanent. What helps is anchoring your day with gentle routines.

🔹 What helps:

Choose one daily anchor: tea in the morning, lighting a candle, a simple prayer.
Create a ritual to honour your child. Speak their name, journal, or visit a special place.
Delay big decisions if you can. Let things wait.

5. Grief Is Not Linear. Expect Waves

You might feel okay one morning and shattered the next.

🔹 What helps:

Expect ups and downs. Don’t measure “progress.”
Moments of peace or even laughter are not betrayal.
Remember: your grief doesn’t mean you aren’t healing. Grief and healing entails a lot of ups and downs. Often it can feel like you are going 'backwards'.

6. You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Grief can feel isolating, but connection is part of the healing.

🔹 What helps:

Join a grief support group or online community.
Listen to grief podcasts or read books that feel safe.
Reach out when you’re ready; not when others expect you to.

You Are Doing Better Than You Think

The first 6 months after child loss are not about being strong. These early days are about surviving. About breathing through one moment at a time. About loving your child in their absence. You are doing something really hard. And you are doing it with courage.