Child Loss and Changing Friendships: Understanding Grief, Support, and Healing

One of the most painful and confusing parts of child loss is something no one talks about: the friends who disappear.

The ones who celebrated your baby showers, birthdays, and milestones — but go quiet when you're deep in grief. The people who once made you laugh, now avoid your eyes in the grocery store. It’s a secondary loss that hits hard — and it’s more common than you think.

As a grieving mother, it’s natural to expect that those closest to you will show up. But grief is uncomfortable. It changes us. And unfortunately, it often changes our relationships too.

Why Do Friendships Fade After Child Loss?

Grief is not only deep and personal — it’s often misunderstood. People around us may not know what to say, so they say nothing. Some are afraid of upsetting us, while others avoid us altogether because we're a reminder that tragedy can happen to anyone.

Here are a few common reasons friendships fade after loss:

• People don’t know how to help, so they pull away.

• Your pain makes them uncomfortable, and they don’t have the emotional tools to stay present.

• They misinterpret your silence as disinterest or rejection.

• They expect you to “move on” far sooner than you’re able.

  
  

For many grieving moms, the phone stops ringing. Texts slow down. Invitations disappear. And suddenly, you're grieving more than your child — you’re grieving lost friends and support.

What Can You Do When Friendships Fade?

As hard as this is to hear, it’s often up to us to tell people what we need. That might feel unfair (and it is), but many people truly don’t know how to support someone walking through the loss of a child.

Try saying things like:

• “Please don’t stop saying my child’s name.”

• “Even if I don’t reply, I still cherish your messages.”

• “I’d love for you to come sit with me. You don’t have to say anything.”

You might be surprised who rises to meet you.

Lisa's book

Of course, not everyone will. Some friendships will fade completely. And while that’s heartbreaking, it’s also a chance to rebuild your support circle in a way that truly honours your grief journey.

When Old Friends Fade, New Ones Can Grow

Most of my closest friends now are other bereaved moms. We “get it” without explanation. We talk about our children freely. We cry without saying “sorry.” We show up for each other on birthdays, anniversaries, and random Tuesday breakdowns.

You can find this kind of community too:

• Join local or online support groups (like my Angel Moms Community)

• Connect in private Facebook groups for grieving parents

• Attend grief retreats or remembrance events

• Reach out to friends of friends who’ve experienced loss

  
  

There is comfort in shared pain — and a powerful connection in being truly seen.

Friendship after loss is complicated.

So here’s what I want you to remember:

• Some friendships will fall away

• Some will deepen in surprising ways

• And new ones will grow — ones that understand the language of grief

  
  

Give people a chance to show up — but also give yourself permission to outgrow the relationships that no longer serve your healing.

You deserve a circle that holds your grief with gentleness and your child’s memory with love.

Remember, you're never walking this path alone.

XO Lisa Boehm

~Katie's Mom

PS: Here is a comprehensive resource list for bereaved moms. You can request it here.