Grief After Child Loss: What No One Tells You

When you lose a child, the world changes in an instant. The air feels heavier, everyday tasks feel impossible, and you quickly realize there’s no roadmap for this kind of grief. People may bring casseroles, flowers, or well-meaning words, but what happens after the funeral? After everyone else returns to their “normal” life while yours feels shattered?

As a bereaved mom myself, I’ve learned that there are unspoken truths about grief that rarely get shared — the pieces of the journey no one prepares you for. These truths aren’t meant to discourage you. Instead, they can bring comfort in knowing that what you’re experiencing is normal and that you are not walking this path alone.

In this blog, I want to shine light on some of those unspoken realities and give you encouragement for navigating your grief.

The Silence Can Be the Loudest Part of Grief

One of the hardest things about child loss is the silence. After the initial wave of support fades, the quiet can feel deafening. Friends may hesitate to bring up your child’s name, unsure if it will hurt you, not realizing that not hearing their name hurts even more.

That silence can make you feel like your child has been forgotten — but your grief is proof of their place in your heart. A powerful step is giving yourself permission to say their name, tell their story, and create spaces where their memory lives on.

Grief Isn’t Linear — It's Not Supposed to Be

Society loves tidy timelines. People expect you to be “back to normal” after a year, or that milestones should get easier with time. But grief doesn’t work that way. Some days you might feel like you can breathe again, and other days the smallest thing — a smell, a song, a season change — can bring you to your knees.

Healing doesn’t mean “getting over it.” Healing means learning to carry your grief while also allowing room for moments of joy.

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You’ll Find Strength in the Most Unexpected Places

In the early days of grief, strength feels impossible. But slowly, strength reveals itself in the tiniest of ways: getting out of bed, making a meal, or choosing to step outside for a walk. These small wins matter. Over time, they add up and remind you that even in brokenness, resilience is possible.

Sometimes, strength comes from connecting with others who understand. Other times, it comes from honouring your child in creative ways — planting a tree, writing a letter, or starting a ritual that keeps their memory alive.

The World May Not Understand, but Other Bereaved Moms Do

One of the most healing experiences is connecting with other mothers who have walked this road. They get it — the exhaustion, the anger, the guilt, and the longing. You don’t have to explain or defend your feelings; you can just be.

Community doesn’t erase the pain, but it makes the journey feel less isolating. Whether it’s through a support group, a podcast, or an online community, finding those connections can be life-changing.

Finding Hope After Loss

Here’s what I’ve learned after nearly a decade of carrying grief: hope does return, but it looks different than before. It may start as the smallest flicker — a laugh you didn’t expect, a sunrise that takes your breath away, or the realization that joy can exist alongside your sorrow.

Your child’s life mattered. Their love continues to shape you. And while grief never disappears, it can transform into a softer presence that walks beside you instead of crushing you.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve ever felt like you’re grieving “wrong” or wondered why your journey doesn’t look like someone else’s, I hope these truths give you comfort. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is only your way.

You are not alone. You are a mother who continues to love fiercely, even in loss.

✨ Want more gentle support on your grief journey? Join my Comfort Connection newsletter — a weekly note filled with tips, encouragement, and resources for bereaved moms. Together, we’ll walk this path of grief and hope, one step at a time.

👉 Click here to join the Comfort Connection

XO

Lisa Boehm