Child Loss & Grief Triggers: What They Are and 8 Gentle Ways to Cope

One ordinary afternoon, I saw a girl from behind: long legs, cut-off shorts, a messy bun, a tie-dye shirt. She moved just like Katie.

My heart stopped. For a brief, aching moment, I wondered if I was in some kind of dream. I followed her around the store, watching her giggle with a friend, picking things up in the homeware section — just like my daughter used to do. I wanted so badly to believe it was her.

But when she turned around, the illusion shattered. It wasn’t Katie. Of course, it wasn’t. And I sobbed in the car afterward.

That’s what a grief trigger can do.

What Are Grief Triggers?

Grief triggers are sudden reminders of your loss that hit with surprising intensity. They can come out of nowhere and leave you breathless, disoriented, and emotionally overwhelmed. For grieving mothers, these moments can feel like emotional ambushes.

Some triggers are obvious — birthdays, holidays, angelversaries. Others are sneaky:

• A song that played at the funeral

• A child’s laugh that sounds eerily familiar

• A Facebook memory

• Someone who walks or moves like your child did

• A random item of clothing left in the closet

  
  

Triggers remind your body and mind of the trauma of loss. They are a normal part of the grieving process, but that doesn’t make them any easier.

Why Do Grief Triggers Happen?

Grief triggers happen because your brain is still trying to make sense of what happened. Trauma doesn’t follow a linear path, and neither does healing. These intense moments are often your brain’s way of processing love, memory, and loss — all at once.

And it’s not just emotional. Grief triggers can also be physical. You might feel:

• A racing heart or tight chest

• Nausea, headaches, or stomach issues

• Panic or disorientation

• Trouble sleeping

  
  

What you’re experiencing is valid — and incredibly common. You are not going backward. You’re grieving.

Lisa's Book about Child Loss

8 Gentle Ways to Cope With Grief Triggers

When a trigger hits, it can feel like you’ve been swept out to sea, but there are ways to steady yourself. Here are eight gentle, research-backed strategies to help:

1. Name the Trigger Say it out loud: “That song reminded me of my child.” Naming it gives the emotion shape and helps ground you.

2. Breathe With Intention Try box breathing: inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. This calms your nervous system and reduces panic.

3. Create a Soothing Statement Have a go-to phrase like: “This is a grief trigger. I am not in danger.” Keep it in your phone or journal.

4. Use Movement Walk, stretch, shake out your hands. Trauma gets stored in the body; movement helps release it.

5. Journal Your Feelings Let your emotions out onto the page without judgment. Even 5 minutes can bring clarity.

6. Ground Through the Senses Use the 5-4-3-2-1 method to stay present: 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste.

7. Talk to a Safe Person Reach out to someone who won’t try to “fix” you — just hold space. Another grieving mom is ideal.

8. Build a Trigger Plan Know your hardest days and prep for them. Have comforting items ready: a cozy blanket, your favourite tea, and soothing snacks, and a light movie can be just the thing to bring you comfort on the extra-hard days.

   
   

You Are Not Failing

One of the most painful myths grieving mothers believe is that being triggered means they're "back at square one." But grief isn’t a straight road. And each time a trigger surfaces, you’re meeting it with new strength, new perspective, and a little more grace.

If triggers are disrupting your daily life or keeping you from functioning, please seek support from a grief therapist or counsellor. They have the training to help you peel back the layers and can help you immensely.

If you'd like to listen to the full podcast episode on this topic. You can listen HERE.

And if you want more gentle guidance, stories, and support, you can find that in my book Journey to Healing. It’s the book I needed after losing Katie — and couldn’t find.

👉 Click here to learn more about the book

👉 Download your free grief meditation here

You’re not alone in this. And you’re not doing grief wrong. You’re doing the bravest thing possible — living with love and loss, side by side.

XO, Lisa Boehm

Katie's Mom