Can Your Marriage Survive Child Loss? The Essential Guide for Grieving Moms

Losing a child is the deepest heartbreak a parent can endure—and it touches every single corner of your life. For many grieving mothers, one of the biggest fears beyond the grief itself is: Can our marriage survive this? When your whole world has shattered, maintaining your relationship might feel like one more impossible task. But here’s the truth: your marriage can survive child loss—and in many cases, it can even grow stronger.

Let’s start by debunking a common myth: “Most marriages end after the death of a child.”This isn’t true.

Research shows that most marriages do not end in divorce following the loss of a child. In fact, what determines whether a marriage survives has much more to do with two key factors:

1. Your relationship before the loss—Was it generally healthy and supportive?

2. How you communicate through the grief—Can you stay open and avoid blame?

   
   

If you’re walking through the grief of child loss and feeling distant from your partner, please know: you’re not alone. I’ve been there too.

At the 6-month mark after losing my daughter Katie, I honestly didn’t think we’d make it. We were grieving the same child in completely different ways. We shut down, miscommunicated, and barely understood what the other needed. And yet, nearly ten years later, we’re still married. Not just surviving—but stronger. And I can’t imagine being married to someone who didn’t know my daughter.

Here’s what I’ve learned about marriage after child loss:

Grief looks different for everyone. One of you might cry every day. The other may seem distant or “numb.” It’s easy to misinterpret these reactions as indifference. But the truth is, you’re both grieving. Just not in the same way or on the same timeline.

Sex and intimacy can change. This is a quiet struggle many grieving couples face. One partner may want closeness as comfort; the other might feel completely shut down. And it’s all normal. A 2010 study in Death Studies noted that many couples experience a drop in physical intimacy for months—or even years—after losing a child. There’s no “right” timeline. Talk about how you feel without shame or pressure. The most important thing is emotional safety, not performance.

Lisa's book

Therapy can help—even if just one of you goes. Counseling can feel intimidating, especially when one partner isn’t ready. That’s okay. Start alone if you need to. Sometimes, just one person developing tools and language to navigate grief can create a ripple of healing in the relationship. And if your partner won’t go? Don’t push. Invite, model, and keep the door open without demand.

3 Ways to Support Your Relationship Through Grief:

1. Speak up about your needs. Even if it’s messy or imperfect, communicating helps. Don’t expect your partner to read your mind—they’re grieving too.

   
   

2. Connect in small, simple ways. Watch your child’s favorite movie. Light a candle together. Look through old photos. Shared rituals can help bridge the emotional gap.

   
   

3. Assume good intent. If they withdraw, it doesn’t mean they don’t care. If they seem “okay,” it doesn’t mean they’re not hurting. Grief wears many masks.

   
   

Above all else, remember this: you’re marriage isn't necessarily over, even if it feels hard right now. You’re both doing your best in a storm no one is prepared for. You loved your child deeply—and now you’re both figuring out how to live in a world without them.

There is no easy answer or magic solution. But with compassion, time, and communication, your relationship can hold grief and love at the same time.

If this post brought you comfort or hope, please share it with another grieving mom who may need to read it. You are not alone in this. 💗

XO Lisa

PS: I create this free download that outlines over 80 ways to honour your child in heaven. You can request it here.