How to Support a Grieving Mom: What to Say, Do, and Avoid
- Lisa K. Boehm
- Jun 3
- 3 min read
Updated: 6 days ago
Grief is one of life’s most difficult journeys—and supporting someone through it can feel just as overwhelming. When a parent loses a child, the pain is unfathomable. And for those on the outside looking in—friends, family, coworkers—it can be hard to know what to say or do. That’s why in this heartfelt blog, based on the powerful podcast episode How to Support a Grieving Mom: What to Say, Do, and Avoid, I'm offering real, actionable guidance for anyone who wants to show up better for the grieving moms in their life.
Whether you’re supporting a bereaved parent or you are one yourself looking for words to help your support system understand your needs, this blog is a gentle yet practical guide for navigating child loss with compassion.
Why Most People Say Nothing (And Why That’s a Problem)
The biggest mistake supporters make? Saying nothing. Many people stay silent because they fear saying the wrong thing or "bothering" someone who's grieving. But silence often adds to a grieving parent’s isolation.
Even something as simple as "I'm so sorry" or "I don't know what to say, but I'm here" can bring immense comfort. It’s not about saying the perfect thing—it’s about saying something.
What To Say: Comforting Words That Support Healing
If you’re unsure what to say to a grieving mom, try one of these:
“I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“I don’t know what to say, and I’m heartbroken for you.”
“This is so unfair.”
“If you’d like to talk about your child, I would love to listen.”
“I’m holding [child’s name] in my heart today.”
Sharing a positive memory of their child, or simply acknowledging their pain, makes a grieving parent feel seen. Please remember: grieving parents want to hear their child’s name.
What Not to Say: Well-Intentioned Words That Hurt
Some common phrases, while meant to be comforting, can cause harm:
“At least you have other children…”
“Time heals all wounds.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“God needed another angel.”
“You’re so strong.”
“Aren’t you over it yet?”
These statements can invalidate grief, minimize the loss, or unintentionally pressure the grieving person to “move on.” Grief doesn’t follow a timeline. And the death of a child is never something a parent “gets over.”
How to Show Up: Actions That Truly Matter
Words matter—but so do actions. Here’s what you can do to support a grieving mom in meaningful ways:
Show up without being asked. Don’t wait for an invitation. Just be there.
Send a thoughtful text. Even a simple “Thinking of you and [child’s name] today” goes a long way.
Mark important dates. Remember their child’s birthday, death anniversary, and other milestones.
Offer practical help. Drop off tissues, groceries, or gift cards. Ask if you can walk the dog or pick up essentials.
Be okay with a “no.” Invite them out, even if they aren’t ready yet. Just knowing they’re remembered matters.
Beyond Casseroles: Why Your Presence Matters Most
While food and flowers are well-meaning, they aren’t always what’s most helpful. Sometimes grieving parents can’t stomach much or are overwhelmed by the excess. What they truly need? You.
Short visits, a listening ear, and simple companionship mean far more than a dozen casseroles. Resist the urge to fix or fill the silence. Grief is lonely—your quiet presence can be a powerful balm.
For the Grieving Mom: You Deserve Support
If you’re a grieving parent reading this, know this episode and this message is for you, too. You are allowed to ask for what you need. I encourage you to send this blog or podcast to your support network. Sometimes, we need to help others help us.
And no, you don’t have to “go back to the old you.” Grief changes us. It’s okay to carry your love, your child, and your pain forward in a new way.
Take Action: Simple Ways to Offer or Ask for Support
If you’re supporting someone in grief:
Send a heartfelt text.
Write down their child’s birthday and angel date.
Choose one tangible way to show up this week—drop off a meal, send a card, or simply say their child’s name.
If you are grieving:
Identify one thing that would help you feel seen or supported this week then ask for it.
Listen to the Full Episode + Download Your Free Gift
To dive deeper into how to truly support a grieving mom, tune into the full podcast episode:🎧 How to Support a Grieving Mom: What to Say, Do, and Avoid
And don’t forget to grab your free resource: 📥 Download the ABCs of Grief Support: 26 Simple Ways to Help After Loss
This guide is for everyone who wants to do better but just didn’t know how. Because with a little guidance and a whole lot of heart, we can all become better grief supporters.
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